3 Mistakes People Make When Speaking in Public

Oct 1

When you are listening to someone speak at a live event, on a podcast, webinar, or watching a video, do you see it as a learning opportunity to be an even better speaker? You can learn a lot about speaking by watching other people when you start becoming a "Speaker Critiquer."

You can do this by starting with looking for two things. First, what did you like? What did the speaker do that worked well and made you feel a greater connection and interest in what they were talking about? Second, what did not work? What distracted you, annoyed you, or made you feel disconnected from the message? Then think about if you are doing any of those things, good or bad, in your own speaking.

As you become an even better “Speaker Critiquer,” you may start to notice the three most common mistakes people make when speaking in public, and now you will discover how you can avoid them. These tips apply to speaking at a live event, a virtual event, on a podcast, a webinar, or doing a video. They apply for a short 10-minute talk or a longer four-hour seminar. When you eliminate or avoid these common mistakes, your results will dramatically improve. You will have a lot more fun being a highly effective speaker and connecting even better with your audience.

Mistake #1: Thinking your audience cares about you.

The first common mistake ordinary speakers make is thinking their audience cares about them, their life, their successes, and their interests. Your audience does not care about you! OK, that is a bit overstated and was designed to get your attention. People care about you; people love you, especially your family, friends, clients, neighbors, etc. Yet if you accept the premise that no one in your audience cares about you, your story, your experience, or your wisdom, you can change that with the addition of one powerful word: unless.

It is true; no one cares about you, your life, your career, your wisdom, your experience, or your insights UNLESS it relates to them. You may have heard that old acronym WIIFM, which stands for "what’s in it for me?" That is the mental radio station everyone in your audience is tuned in to, and they love listening to it. So instead of saying, "I love this idea," say, "you will love this idea." Instead of saying, "I am so excited about it," say, "you will be so excited about it." Change, "I found this helpful" to "you will find this very helpful." Sure, you can use the word I, but follow it up with the words you, your, or you will. If you accept this premise that no one cares about you or your personal story, then it needs to be followed with specific benefits for them. When you make your focus and your message about your audience and not about you, you will experience even greater connection and impact.

Mistake #2: Trying to memorize your message.

The second common mistake is thinking that you need to memorize your message. That is not true, and it can actually work against you. It is not easy to memorize a presentation because you are looking for exact words, and your mind is locked in to what word follows the word you are saying, and if you lose track of that, you go blank. additionally, it takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to memorize a script.

The television show "Shark Tank" had a wonderful example of this. In watching a recent rerun, a couple was in front of the Sharks making their presentation. The wife suddenly stopped and then repeated what she had said and then stopped again, looked up at the ceiling trying to think of that next word, repeated the sentence before it, and nothing came. The Sharks were very kind and told her to start over again and she went back to the beginning of the presentation. When she got to that same part, she stopped again. Her mind was completely blank.

You see this often when people try to memorize a talk, so what is the suggestion? Yes, you need to know your material. Yes, you need to have a plan, and it needs to be organized, but it does not need to be memorized. It is not a script; nobody is playing off your words like in theater where you have to memorize them because your last word is the cue to the next actor. So what is the solution?

First, be familiar with your material. You are the expert in that area; that is why you are speaking. Use notes; have a handout where you outline the notes. If you were making this presentation on the three most common mistakes ordinary speakers make, you could outline the points. You can add some notes, use visuals such as slides to provide your notes to stay on track and not have to memorize anything.
Second, remember your audience does not know if you left something out; only you know that, and if you left it out, maybe it was not that important. You need to know the keywords, the structure, and the order. This can easily be done with a printed note card that you would have in your hand or on a podium next to you on stage.

Mistake #3: Performing to improve your message.

The third common mistake ordinary speakers make is thinking they need to be different than they usually are. For example, quiet, shy, and introverted speakers often think they need to be dynamic, louder, and extroverted to hold an audience's attention. Yes, at first sight, it makes sense that a vibrant, energized, humorous, and engaging style works best, and it often does—only if the message is about the audience, not the speaker. Yet a dull, monotone, and low-energy speaker can also be highly effective.

Here is something to think about: how important is it for you to be congruent? Imagine a low-key, introverted speaker acting as if they were a higher energy, dynamic and extroverted person. Then an audience member who sees and hears them decides to hire them. The speaker and the audience member meet a week later, and the audience member is confused. They say to the speaker, "you are so different than you were at the meeting; what is up?" "Oh," the speaker says, "that was just an act; that was not really what I am like." What? No way! That does not work.

Being you is what you should always be; especially when you are speaking because it is so easy to be you. It is effortless, it is natural, and it is who you are. Yes, it sounds unrealistic to think being dull, monotone, and low-energy can work, yet it does. This story will prove it to you:

Come back in time to Colorado Springs at the Broadmoor Hotel. I was hired to speak as the closing speaker for a three-day event. Imagine you are sitting next to the CEO of the company and me in the front row. You hear the CEO say this to me before the meeting starts: "The reason I wanted you to close our meeting is that the speaker before you is going to be terrible. He is the CFO, we have him on the program for an hour, and he has to go over all the numbers for our sales team with the budget, etc., so lots of facts and figures. No one else can do it but Bob, so, Joel, I want to hire you to work with Bob this next year and teach him how to be a great speaker. He is terrible; just wait and see, and you will know why we call him Boring Bob at the corporate office."

Sure enough, Bob walked slowly from the back of the room to the stage carrying a big three-ring notebook with no energy, made no eye contact as he spoke in his monotone, and people were falling asleep. This was before smartphones so they were literally sleeping because they had nothing else to do.

After the meeting ended, Bob and I talked with the CEO about the plan for next year, and he agreed to let me help him with his speaking. In our first coaching call on the phone, Bob said, "So you are going to fix me?" My response was, "No, I am going to ask you to do three things. Number one, allow me to write the introduction for your CEO to read before you speak. Number two, allow me to write your first two minutes of your opening. And number three, be yourself for the next 58 minutes just like you were this year." Bob was kind of shocked. He said, "Is that all I need to do?" I said, "Yes, if you trust me that it will work.” If that were you, what would you say?

This is precisely what you can do—use your introduction and opening to anticipate and hopefully overcome any negatives you think you have. Remember this truth: it is so easy being you. Speaking effectively is not an act. Speaking effectively is not a performance. It is you being the real you.

Now leap ahead one year. Here is the introduction I wrote for the CEO to read:

This next part of our national sales meeting has traditionally been one of the most difficult for you to stay awake. Yes, our CFO Bob will be up here for about an hour, giving you all the numbers for the year. Many of these do not apply to you, but they apply to somebody else in the room, and we have to do it as a group. We have a new plan this year, and here are the ground rules for the next hour:

If the person next to you starts to fall asleep, it is your job to wake them up. Then I wrote to point to everybody in the front row as you say these words: Now, for those sitting in the front row, it is your job, if Bob falls asleep while he is speaking, to run up on the stage and wake him up. The audience is now laughing. It is now my pleasure to introduce your Chief Financial Officer, Boring Bob. And now the audience is cheering. Bob comes out on stage exactly as he did the previous year, walking slowly with no energy, carrying his big three-ring loose-leaf binder. He puts it on the lectern with no eye contact with the audience, and then he says these words which I had written for him in the opening:

Thank you for the introduction. As some of you know, Evelyn and I have been married for 27 years, but you probably don't know that on the first date, she slapped me (then I told him to pause). No, I was not getting fresh— she just thought I was dead!

The audience erupted in laughter. Then it says, after the audience stops laughing, say this: Well, I am not dead; I just look and act like I'm dead. I do not show my emotions and feelings easily, but I promise you, inside, I am so excited about the year ahead for you as part of the sales team and how exciting it is going to be for you when you achieve the numbers you are about to hear.

They gave him a standing ovation at the end of his next 58 minutes. It was no different than the year before, except for the setup and the fact that he made fun of his own boring style. After the meeting, when they did the critique, he was the second highest-rated speaker over the three days.

Bob is now the highest-rated speaker at every meeting. Boring Bob would work all year on gathering jokes about how boring he is. He would open every national sales meeting with how dull he is and then, in his presentation, added a couple of others on how boring that is. Now, remember, he never changed his delivery. He never changed himself. He was just Boring Bob. The lesson that you need to take away is to be yourself. You can do that and do it easily!

How do you become an even better speaker? Avoid the common mistakes that ordinary speakers make: talking about themselves, trying to memorize what they are saying, and speaking as a performance. When you do that, you will be an even better speaker. Now go out and MAKE it a great day!